These Are The People In My Neighborhood

Fly Bar, Alamo Square, 9/2/05
[My eccentric neighbor Ellie walked into a bar where my friend Brendan and I were sitting at a table near the door and I called out to her.]

Me: [to Brendan and Ellie] Do you guys know each other? You both live in the neighborhood.
Brendan: No.
Ellie: I don't think so. You might have seen me around the neighborhood. I always walk around with a little dog. [pause.] ...I used to walk around with a little dog. He died three days ago.
Me: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Ellie: Yeah, he was sick for a while. A few days ago I could tell, it was the day, so I put him out in the backyard and he curled up in the grass... I went out for a while, and when I got back... ...
Me: I'm really sorry.
Ellie: I put him in a bag in my freezer. [pause.] Well, I have his body in the freezer. I cut off his head.
Me: [stunned silence]
Brendan: WHAT?
Ellie: I cut off his head. [pause.] I'm gonna put the skull on my bicycle.